Thursday, November 11, 2010

Mike's Record Review: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West

Since I now have a job that consists of sitting in complete silence for 9 hours, I figured I should start listening to some tunes while I do. And then I thought, fuck it. Why don't I review records. So, here it is.

This album is totally great! This is some serious art. It’s really great to see someone in this time in history really, fucking trying hard to do something. That is something that’s not rewarded at all in our world. People love irony. They fucking love some effortless, tongue-in-cheek bullshit. So, it’s really awesome to see someone trying super, super hard to do what he does and being dead fucking serious about it. If all this album had going for it was its sincerity and pursuit of vision, I’d still be a fan. Luckily, this album was made by a complete lunatic.

This album is straight nuts. It is absolutely amazing. It doesn’t sound like music being taken to the next level. Where some of these songs are, there isn’t an idea of levels anymore. This is what happens when you let someone who is super creative and also very crazy have free reign. Total magic is what happens.

I have to give full disclosure though. I’m not a huge fan of hip-hop. Maybe this is what all hip-hop sounds like. I don't know. I have a passing knowledge of the art form. I know OF Gucci Mane. I couldn’t name a song by him, but I do know he exists. So, for this album to totally connect to me, it has to be good. But, I am a rabid consumer of pop culture, so I totally know a ton about Kanye West. I like everything I’ve heard by him. I’ve been a huge fan of his persona for a long time. I remember I saw the Katrina shit live and fucking loved it. Dude was being so real on every fucking channel! He clowned the president on simulcast! I was with a bunch of hipsters and metal crusties at the time, and we all totally agreed with Yeezy and thought it was fucking awesome. So honest. He’s a sincere man and I think this album is very sincere and I think it’s a very sad album for a very sad time (isn’t everyone sad). I think this album will be viewed as something of a classic. I think it is a sign of the times. Even an incredibly rich, genius that beds models all day, is just as sad as you about all this bullshit that makes up this thing called life. Just like you! Imagine the president called you a jackass? How fucking bummed would you be? Anyway. Enough of me being serious Sammy. Let me break this shit down on a track by track basis. It’s awesome!

Dark Fantasy
Whoa. That’s how you start an album. This shit is fucking dark. Weird pitch-shifted choir. Rappin about sports cars and, Oh man. That interlude. “I saw the devil in a Chrysler LeBaron.” “Took some pills and kissed an heiress.” He’s painting a picture everybody! And that picture is fucking crazy and I love it. All William Burroughs on it. Pretty tight.

Talkin about Mt. Olympus and South Park. Like, what? Are these torche lyrics? Kanye West is the only rapper that I understand the things he’s saying. Somewhat. I get some of it. Also, Kid Cudi is pretty good. “These week has been a bad massage, I need a happy ending.” That’s fucking awesome Yeezy. I feel that way too. Did your girlfriend leave you too, Yeezy? I bet she did. And I bet you’re bummed about it.

Raekwon is the coolest member of Wu-Tang. One-hundred and One Ls is the best line ever. This album makes it seem like Kanye West could hang out with literally ANYONE. I can’t think of a bar that if he showed up, people would be like, “Pfffftttt. Yeah, Kanye West REAL cool. Nice, beautiful clothes you got on, dude.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

This is like totally awesome. Prog-Rap?!? Seriously? This song seriously makes me nervous it’s so fucking good. Like, I don’t even get it. He’s on some Donald Fagan shit now. What do other rappers think when they hear this song? “Fuck, why didn’t I think to sample a King Crimson song and then have it end with weird, Super Nintendo keyboards while some dude sings about me killing myself?” You know why you didn’t think of it? Because fucking no one would think of that.

All Of The Lights
What the fuck? Who were the producers on this shit? Fucking Stan Bush and Andrew W.K.? Totally fucking epic and awesome. Fucking John Williams horns. Rhianna singing all awesome. “Fast cars, shooting stars.” Real good. Real, real good. But then Yeezy flips it on us? What? Yes. This beautiful song that sounds like you just killed a dragon is ACTUALLY a sad song. NOOOOO!!!!! Don’t worry dude. It’s still good. It’s just some made up story or something. Kanye West doesn’t have a baby.

He talks about meeting in Borders. That happens all the time, dude. Ever been to New York City? There’s so many Borders. Is that M.I.A rapping on this song? I have no idea. Fucking probably. Oh man. When those horns come in and that guy starts singing. Wrap. It. The. Fuck. Up.

Ugh. Could this song be any better?
I’ve decided that every rap verse should end with a fucking lion roar. It’s just a nice way to let you know that fire is being spit. You know? I like how everyone decided to rap all awesome on this song, too. Hova’s rapping all hard and tough, like he’s in Gravediggaz. Talking about killing vampires or some shit. Making a sniffy, sniff noise. Pretty Cool.

But holy shit. Nicki Minaj. Did that fucking happen? That was incredible. She did like 6 accents! In the same line! Screamin and shit. Doing a baby voice! Whoa. During her verse, I was like, “Alright. Chill out. You’re too good at being bananas and rapping. Also, will you be my girlfriend?” Seriously though, Nicki Minaj. I feel like it you would look really cool if you had a pale, dorky web designer from Brooklyn as your boyfriend. Also, I feel like fucking you would be terrifying in the best way possible. I’m on Twitter. DM me.

So Appalled
Solid. Solid. Solid beat. This is like the standard rap song on the album and it’s STILL all dark and moody. It sounds like a Depeche Mode song. Which is great. I like how Jay-Z gets a REAL solid burn in on MC Hammer. Really Jigga? Leave Hammer alone. He’s stupid and you’re awesome. You wear crazy Russian hats to the president’s inauguration. You don’t need to inform everyone that you’re better than MC Hammer. We know. I also like the line “five star dishes / many exotic fishes” Yes, yes, yes. That IS extravagant.

Devil In A New Dress
The first time I heard I heard this song, I wasn’t that into it. I was like, it just kind of sounds like an old Kanye West song, which I’m not that much of a fan of. Then I figured out why it’s great. This song is the perfect soundtrack to walk through a lonely, New York City night and just be super, super, bummed. Just really drinking in that real sad vibe. Really feeling it.

I’ve never understood the draw of Rick Ross. “I’m the boss! I’m from Miami. I got a cool beard.” But his verse in this song. ... This fucking verse. Perfect. He’s got a really cool voice and the ending of this song is fucking incredible. Rick Ross drops this line, “I’m making love to the angel of death / Catching feelings, never stumble, re-tracing my steps.” then BOOM! Fucking guitar solo and Rick Ross doing burly man grunts. Incredible. I’m making love to the angel of death? That’s so fucking awesome.

Me and Kanye West have many things in common. Like Yeezy, one day I’ll write a beautiful, elegant, opus of a song that is so full of universal introspection, it could make anyone cry. And also like Yeezy, one of the first lines of that elegant, opus of song, will be, “I sent this girl a picture of my dick.”
The idea of sending a woman a picture of your wiener is something that I’ve always found so amazing. I could write volumes on the idea of sending a pix message of your own dick to a love interest. It’s incredible and I’m so glad Kanye included it in the signature song on this album.

Anways, this song is fucking incredible. As a man who enjoys a trashy lady and being a piece of shit and being bummed about those things, I relate to you, Kanye West. He’s like Jerry Seinfeld, but rapping and singing. Also, I have always been charmed by Kanye singing. I never really got why people give him guff about it. I guess people in the R&B community have high vocal standards. Not me. Shit, I listen to Osker and Kanye West is easily a better singer than that dude. You could eat this fucking song! So sparse. So sad. Totally awesome. But, I gotta be honest, the Pusha-T verse isn’t his best. It’s really good, but I’ve heard him be astounding. But GODDAMN is that string sample under it not incredible. This shit is 9 minutes long! I can put up with a couple bars of Pusha-T being JUST great.

And tell me about this outro! He drops the beat out and you think that’s it. Nope motherfucker! 3 minute distored vocoder solo! Holy shit. Awesome. It sounds like he took the blue pill and is coming out of the Matrix. I bet that’s what he was thinking as he was doing it. “This sounds just like I took the blue pill and now I’m coming out of the Matrix. ... I am coming out of the Matrix of my own emotions. ... I’m a genius.”

Hell Of A Life
Does this song not come in awesome? That cool farty soundin bass. Real nice. This song is pretty rad. Is that second verse about the girl being racist? If so, that’s awesome. Also, good job Yeezy for rhyming “maid” with “maid”. This song is like Rocket Queen by Guns N’ Roses. And by that, I mean, it’s about boning a devil woman and there’s a “sounds of people fucking each other” part. Kanye did it better. The choir part is fucking epic. So, so, rad.

Blame Game

“You weren’t perfect but you made life worth it.”

FUUUUUUCCCCCCK! Kanye. Seriously? That’s super fucking sad. IT’S LIKE RAPPING EMOTIONALLY AND IT’S FUCKING CRAZY. HE WAS RAPPING WITH HIMSELF IN A DEEP DRACULA VOICE. Everyone else, call it quits. This guy is the Ft. Knox of being bummed. Why did he just say Chloe Mitchell?!?! Who the fuck is Chloe Mitchell?!? Is that who this song is about!?!?

He sang the hook! He sang the hook! So raw! Get the fuck out of the way John Legend. Yeezy’s got some sadness he needs the world to hear. Holy fuck! this song is so fucking good. So good. So super, super, sad. The Chris Rock outro is fucking incredible. How fucking smart is Kanye West? He took the motif of the hip-hop skit and turned it into a fucking tragedy! Ah! Fuck! That’s so fucking smart. It makes me so sad to hear it. I hate them both. All I can think of is Kanye West listening to it on his iPhone and being totally sad. This is the best break-up song ever.

Lost in the world
25 seconds in and I’m hooked. Just fucking forget it. Kanye West. You win at making songs, dude. This song is not like when you're done being sad and now you’re happy. It’s like, when you’re still sad, but you’re ready to try to be happy. Help yourself. You know what I’m saying? I don’t know. Killing it on the harmonies everybody. Good job. Including you, duck squawk. Good job duck squawk.

WHOOOOO. This album is sick. I could seriously write so much more about this album, but I won’t this is already too much. Good job, Kanye West. All serious though. This album is fucking awesome.