Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mike's Record Review: The Monitor by Titus Andronicus

Since I now have a job that consists of sitting in complete silence for 9 hours, I figured I should start listening to some tunes while I do. And then I thought, fuck it. Why don't I review records. So, here it is.

Holy fucking shit.

This fucking album is probably the most amazing thing that's happened in a long time. Like, so fucking awesome. How is this not the most important music right now? For example, at about 1:30 into the album the dude screams, "'Cause tramps like us, BABY WE BORN TO DIE!" ...Whoa. If the entire album was just that, literally 1 minute and 30 seconds, I'd still think it was fucking awesome. While The Boss is singing Gaslight Anthem's praises for essentially pretending to be him but shitty, these dudes are taking Jersey rock n roll and like exploding it into a million pieces.

Wanna know how rad this album is? SPOILER ALERT: I really didn't like "The Airing of Grievances". I thought "Titus Andronicus" was a rad song that made me want to shoot myself every time I heard it, but I thought the rest of the album was kind of lame. This album takes that one song, turns it into a bunch of songs, multiplies how good it is by 100, adds violins and bagpipes, and then USES THE CIVIL WAR AS A METAPHOR FOR MODERN DISILLUSIONMENT!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!? So, intense.

I'll say this though. This album might not be for the young, male in his 20s. It's pretty much designed 100% to make you want to hang yourself in your closet. There's just too many emotions on this album to connect to.

When the gang vocals come in at the end of "No Future Part III," chanting, "You'll always be a loser," turn it in, buddy. You better be doing something super rad with your life or else, because it feels like they are singing that line directly to you about every little thing in your life that you're unhappy about. The album is completely like that. Just too much young man emotions flying around. Since the basis of these reviews is that I do them while I'm working, I must say ... not the place to listen to this album. Sitting at my little desk, toiling away so someone else can get paid, this album is the perfect soundtrack to slamming your fist through your computer monitor in a fit of impotent rage. By the time that last chorus of "To Old Friends And New" comes around, I've gone through so many emotions, it's like a rain washing down on me. I'm like Andy Dufrense after he gets out of that sewer pipe in Shawshank Redemption. "Let the rain come down on me! Let it wash away the pain of this modern world!" I seriously didn't listen to the last song for a while because I was always so fucking emotionally exhausted by the time it came around. There was no way I could listen to a 14 minute song about how much dude-bros suck, which is EXACTLY THE SAME WAY I FEEL.

Seriously though, every song is fucking unbelievable and makes me so depressed in the best way possible. And I'm super embarrassed that a dude that's younger than me is also way more successful, smart and emotionally mature than me. It's fucking genius. I didn't like that Craig Finn is on it though. I'm so over that dude. I see you eating brunch every Sunday dude, you're not so cool.

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