Thursday, January 1, 2009

2008; Who Cares?!

Ryan's Best of 2008 List
I don't really get out much and I don't really pay attention to a lot of things, so this will suck. Also, I have a feeling I shouldn't be writing this hungover with the heat in my house busted. OH WELL:

Best Movie:

WALL-E-
Best story, incredibly beautiful, funny, honest, and heartwarming. If you didn't like WALL-E as a film, or a ridiculously cute (yes, CUTE) robot, you are a fucking asshole. It was deeper than 99 percent of the shit that came out this year, so you can't pull "It's for kids". Also, you're not tough, hardly anyone is. It's okay, come into Disney's warm embrace, and forget you're afraid to love an animated film about robo-love.


Honorable Mention: The Dark Knight, duh. And even though I haven't seen it, I'm absolutely positive Benjamin Button is incredible.

Best Album:

Dillinger Four -C I V I L W A R-
Of course I picked this. Why? IT'S AWESOME. I know that's not enough, so here's why; D4 hasn't put out a record in 6 years. 6 YEARS. I think NOFX puts out a 12-song at least 3 times a week. In the pop-punk to regular-rock-and-roll/pop-music scale, 6 years is like the fucking Beatles putting out a record every 75 years. Pop-punk is not supposed to work like this. That alone should be why it's the best record of the year, 'cause why'd they even bother? For the fans? I thought they didn't like their fans? I heard they do cocaine? I heard they're not playing The Fest this year? Fuck you. Also, to Doo-wop song is breaking barriers, cool-guy ones.


Honorable Mention: Hold Steady - Stay Positive, Girl Talk, Feed the Animals


Best Song:

Weezy - Got Money -

Isn't Lil Wayne Crazy?! He's so crazy. His face is plastered with sick ink, and he wears those tight little pants, but he raps! And he's really on Supra's dick, or vice-versa. I would be too. Why didn't Three-6 do anything this year, and hypothetically, if they did, why did it suck? Remember when they made horror-rap, and it was hard as fuck, and scary and stuff? That was before they wrote songs about how it's hard to make your money sitting back while some girl you know really well fucks it out of a stranger. But yeah, here's why Weezy runs best song:


"Its nothin to a big dog
And I'm a Great Dane
I wear eight chains
I mean so much ice
They yell skate Wayne!
She wanna fuck Weezy
But she wanna rape Wayne."


My goodness.


Honorable Mention: Usher and Jeezy "Love in this CLub" (or as Mike thought it was "I want to make love to this club"(?)). Tom Whalen signing "Born to Run", last night, on a guitar amp karaoke system, perfectly.

Best Blog:

Videogum.com -
So Funny, and smart, and well thought out, and not-so-well-thought-out, and topical, and strange, and all that. They are basically our style of humor, but better by A LOT. I find myself writing just like Gabe Delahaye now. The videos with him and Max Silvestri teaching you internets are one of my favorite things this year. Do yourself a favor, videogum.com.


Honorable Mention: YouWillSoon, theberrics.com, Boil the Ocean, Police Informer, 4Q Conditioning.


Best Streetwear Trend:

NOPE-
The only good shirt I saw was made by VLNY, and they're not even made yet. It's a picture of G.W.B. with all his shit in his arms, like lamps and clothes, and it says "KICK ROCKS". I love the phrase "Kick Rocks"! And it's like, fuck you, dude. I don't understand the famous person/funny thing design anymore, but I still like this shirt. Oh, Max Schaff/Vans with the fireproof ankle leather was the coolest thing by far.

Best T-Shirt:

The Viera Ride Shop Steelers shirt.


Best Drinking Spot:

Alone in the afternoon-
When my girlfriend is at work, sometimes I have some beers, every now and then, I have a few too many, and have to not be drunk when she gets home. Drinking by yourself is strange and fun, and oddly entertaining. If you fall asleep, you wake up, and you have no idea what's going on. Also, you get sad. That's what 2008 was like a lot of the time. Wow. I need a stable 9-5. I'm really not this sad!


Honorable Mention: ANYWHERE!



Best Boner:

Maggie Gyllenhaal in TDK-

I love her. Seriously. Look;



Best Anti-Boner:

Crippling Economic Depression:
This is going to be pretty boner-reducing for about 5 years. At least it will weed out the shitty streetwear brands (us?), maybe it will end this failed experiment altogether. I would love nothing more than for confetti-gangsters to have to go back to those shirts where Bugs Bunny is smoking weed, and it says "Blunts Bunny". Wait, I think that was a 10 Deep shirt. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!

That was stupid, Mike's was worse. Let's do this in '09! Nope, I'm no good at catchphrases.

1 comment:

Midgard Dragon said...

"If you didn't like WALL-E as a film, or a ridiculously cute (yes, CUTE) robot, you are a fucking asshole. It was deeper than 99 percent of the shit that came out this year, so you can't pull "It's for kids". Also, you're not tough, hardly anyone is. It's okay, come into Disney's warm embrace, and forget you're afraid to love an animated film about robo-love."

I f*cking love you. Agreed 100%. Anyone thinking WALL-E is a kiddie film or that they are "too grown up" for it deserves a swift kick in the rear.